Sex is a wonderful thing, and it can also be a burgeoning blunder. The pursuit for passion is one we all follow, unless you’ve taken a vow of abstinence (like any nuns will be reading this). So it’s only natural that if we want to receive pleasure, we also want to give it back. And that’s where plenty of people fear the worst. But why do people worry they’re bad in bed?
It’s quite plausible to see how people can fall into this way of thinking. You go out for a date with someone, you like them so you go on a few more dates, you spend a night of fun and hot sex with your new lover, they leave the next morning and then you never hear from them again. Your first thoughts… “Do I suck in bed?”. And most often, the answer is no.
Anxiety is normal, and can be an everyday occurrence for many people. But there are three anxieties we usually associate with sex.
- We fear our bodies aren’t as attractive as we’d hoped.
- We fear we don’t have enough practice and therefore unaware of different positions.
- We fear we aren’t fit enough to “go all night”.
All of these anxieties show how there is an underlying expectancy that sex is an act of fitness as much as passion. So to pleasure your partner you must be some kind of gym fanatic? Well that’s just not the truth. In today’s society, there’s a growing pressure for people to look and live better. There are male stereotypes and expectations creating a new kind of man; the spornosexual – a term combining “sport”, “porn” and “metrosexual”. Journalist Mark Simpson has coined this term to describe the perception of males in today’s society and that the most desirable people are those who are leaner, buffer, tanned and moisturised with an obsession for the gym and low V-necks. But does physicality really matter in the bedroom?
It’s all in your head
According to The School of Life, not an old metaphor but an all-in-one stop for philosophy on YouTube, has said in their new video that sex is as much a game of the mind as it is with our bodies. The narrator says “eroticism is about ideas”. Therefore, to overcome your anxiety in the sack you just need to do a little creative thinking. Think about it, playing out sexual situations and roleplay all stem from the creator’s minds, not their bodies.
So if you are ripped to shreds and can fornicate for hours doesn’t mean your automatically “good in bed”. Fitness and fucking don’t go hand in hand, even if that’s the common perception. True sexual pleasure is played out way before you even reach the bedroom. It’s all about attractiveness, flirting, humour, eye contact and being suggestive. All things that aren’t necessarily physical.
So before you start practicing that next position you’ve found in the Kama Sutra or take a yoga class. Perhaps think more about how you can stimulate someone without even touching them. Because that pleasure will last longer than a quickie ever will. The ideas suggested in the video above have connections with the practice of tantric sex. To find out more about how you can benefit from sex of the mind, body and soul and ‘powerful sexual orgasms’ then click here.
